“That Man Really Smells,” And Other Awkward Moments in the World of an Autism Mum

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god!

So, we’re half way through the school holidays – just about managing but it’s been a bit fraught at times. Part of autism is lack of social awareness, which can be excruciatingly embarrassing at the times, but usually make me laugh at some point later. Here’s the top ten mortifying things my son has said in public.

  1. “5-4-3-2-1 – blast-off!” (While straining to do a poo in a public toilet).
  2. “Mum, you’re mostly pretty but a bit ugly. Your feet are ugly and your belly’s ugly and you’ve got yellow teeth.” Thanks.
  3. “Jesus really loves the poor people.” Er – we still were the poor people last time I looked!
  4. “Bishops can only move diagonally.” (During mass! I might take him to meet the Queen next and see what happens!)
  5. “That man’s got no clothes on.” Er… I think that’s actually a lady in a flesh coloured boob-tube.
  6. “Be careful not to breathe, Mum. It doesn’t smell very nice.” Thanks again.
  7. On the bus on the first day of school: “Mum, I learnt a whole new smell today, what is it?” Might be the two dozen teenagers on the bus – not sure.
  8. To the same teenagers: “Stop shouting and using those silly words. You’re making me really angry. Hulk – rahhhhh. I’m nearly in year one.”
  9. To a couple kissing on the bus: “Excuse me, can you stop doing that please. You’re making me feel sick.”
  10. And this one, on a packed bus is my all-time favourite: “My mum’s got a strap on.” Me – holding up my hand for all to see my surgical strap: “It’s on my wrist! I fell over at ice-skating, honestly!” # Resists the urge to cry!

There are loads more of these but some were just too cringe-worthy to put on my blog. I’m sure there will be many more before the holidays are finished. I’d love to hear your stories.

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